How this started

I'm a father of two boys under 5 who split with their mother not long after our second child was born. Leaving the family home was one of the toughest decisions I made albeit at the time, I thought it would be temporary and knew it was in the best interests of my wellbeing. Because I am a man however, some criticised the move but I felt I could not bring up my children with the care and attention needed if I was constantly being berated at home. I needed some time out to assess the situation and eventually I returned home only to be told that I would have to move out as the children's mother "had not loved me for months". This was a shock but looking back now I should not have been surprised. It all made sense when I reflected on the behaviour at home and how I was treated. Being forced to leave was probably the best decision ever made on my behalf and I came to realise this following counselling and support from a local domestic abuse service

I promise you this though, I did not shirk on my responsibilities and I visited my children every day!...that was until, I was made aware of child sex abuse allegations against one of my ex's friends. At this point, this was all new to me and I had no idea what to do so I just asked that she did not leave my children alone with this person. Unfortunately, the following week, I found that she had seen fit to appoint this person as a babysitter. In expressing my anger at this (apparently I had no right to), my ex contacted social services and about a week later, they told me there was nothing they could do as she had now made her friend aware of the allegations...the net result was I would have to have supervised visits with my children(!)

After several  long and confusing weeks, this 'condition' ceased and we tried to make child arrangements - we did this 3 times and never got as far as making them official because the children's mother would change her mind within a week or two. She then tried to force (and make me pay for) mediation - which, as a domestic abuse victim I was exempt from - but I was drained and exhausted from all of this and the fact we had made arrangements 3 times before showed that even with the help of a mediator it was unlikely to make a difference

Eventually we just agreed to carry on with a casual arrangement: me seeing the boys every day unless I was working and shared custody in terms of living arrangements although I would continue to pay maintenance, etc. This seemed to work until...my eldest child, 4 at the time, revealed to my mum that another friend of my ex, had been playing secret games with him...I'll leave you to imagine what that may have involved as it makes me feel sick to to even think about it

...more to follow